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The Fallopian tube, which is very close by, has finger-like tentacles which help sweep the released egg into the tube. If at this point, the egg encounters a sperm that has managed to survive and make its way into the outer limit of the tube, a sudden fusing takes place, and a “fertilized ovum” develops.
This is the moment of conception, and at this point the heredity traits of the new life are sealed permanently. At this moment also, the sex of the new life is positively determined.
From this point on there can be no change. It is
an amazing thing that mental and physical characteristics which may not become evident for many years, perhaps decades, are intimately sealed into the newly developing life in this split second of time. At this time also, the possible production of twins, or triplets or other forms of multiple birth is determined.
Multiple pregnancy can occur from the simultaneous release and fertilization of two or more ova (the so-called “dizygotic multiple pregnancy”), or from the early division of a fertilized single ovum (called “monozygotic twins”).
The incidence of twins is one in ninety pregnancies, of triplets, one in 90 x 90, and of quadruplets, and one in 90 x 90 x 90 pregnancies in Western countries. Twins are more common in Africa and Asia. Dizygotic twins are more common in families in which there is a history of twins, in women who are older, and the chance increases with larger families.
In recent years, certain hormonal products used to treat women who are having difficulty in reproducing (called infertility), seem to make some more prone to multiple births than women conceiving normally and without difficulty.
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An enormous number of pregnancies never reach full term. For a large variety of reasons, they end prematurely. When this takes place before the twenty-eighth week of pregnancy, it is termed an abortion.
Many people prefer to use the more euphemistic term ‘ ‘miscarriage,” for abortion in some minds conjures up criminal acts or acts of an illegal nature. These of course play only a small part in the total picture, and they appear to be decreasing with variations in laws around the world.
When pregnancy reaches the age of twenty-eight weeks, it is legally considered to be “viable” or alive, even though a baby born at this age would be hard pressed to survive normally.
The figures for naturally occurring abortions or miscarriages vary considerably. Some experts claim that about 10 per cent of all normal pregnancies end in this manner. Others claim the figure is more like one in four, or 25 per cent. However, more recent work in the United Kingdom now claims that as many as 70 or even 80 per cent of all pregnancies terminate prematurely by natural events.
These latter claims are based on careful studies of many thousands of cases. Many now believe that an abortion is merely nature’s way of maintaining a healthy line in the human race. Now genetic studies and chromosomal patterns can be studied in more detail than ever before with newer techniques, it seems that the overwhelming majority of abortions are really the result of genetic deformities. Therefore, nature has shed them early in pregnancy to avert the multitude of hazards to which a genetically affected human is subjected throughout life.
By methods not clearly understood, a genetically deformed embryo has greater difficulty in being accepted by the lining of the womb. Certain natural influences, it appears, act against it. The result is a rapid shedding very early in pregnancy. Indeed, most women are completely unaware that pregnancy had taken place, and less aware that a miscarriage in fact has occurred.
Often this is reflected in a “late menstrual period.” When it does arrive, it may be heavier than normal, or there may be a few clots. It may be completely pain-free, or there may be a little more discomfort than usual. But this is invariably accepted as part of the lot of the female and little fuss or bother is made of the unrecognized event.
Other instances, of course, last longer. Nearly three-quarters of recognized abortions take place between the sixth and tenth week of pregnancy. Definite reasons are hard to come by. Some claim that there is a temporary reduction in production of the hormone called progesterone at this time. This could be responsible for the embryo becoming dislodged from its position in the uterine wall and being swept away.
It seems that some abortions may be generated by infections and fevers in the mother at the time implantation is occurring. Perhaps viruses in her system pass over the placental barriers and gain access to the embryo, producing damage that results in its prompt release.
Some experts believe that psychosomatic causes play a part. The nervous system and brain are highly complex structures. It seems that through the complicated neural networks they may cause the generation of hormones that also predispose to premature release of the embryo from the uterine wall.
Sometimes the male partner may be responsible. Fifty per cent of the chromosomes and genes of the fertilized ovum are from his spermatozoa. Therefore, when union occurs, if defects are present consistently in his contributing half, then this could regularly predispose to miscarriage. Cases are on record where a woman sustaining multiple (or habitual) abortions remarried, and the pregnancies occurring with the new partner proceeded uninterrupted to full term and the birth of a normal, healthy baby.
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The mother gains weight for many reasons.
There are two main components which are worth considering.
(1) The Foetal Components. These include the foetus itself, together with the placenta (later to become the afterbirth), and the fluid in which the baby develops, called the “Liquor amnii.”
(2) The Maternal Components. These include the womb (uterus) and breasts; the increased amount of blood present; the storage of fat and protein by the body, and storage of water.
The foetal components. As every mother knows, the weight of new-born babies varies considerably. Besides differing in babies born in the same country, there is also quite a difference from nation to nation.
In Australia, the average birth weight of babies is 3,300 g (7′/2 lbs). But in India, the average birth weight is 2,900 g (6′/2 lbs). Both may be equally fit and healthy.
The age of the mother has no bearing on baby’s weight, but there is a tendency for the weight to increase with subsequent babies born to the same mother. The more affluent the living standard, as a rough rule, the heavier the baby tends to be.
A well-established cause for below-average birth-weight babies is smoking by the mother during pregnancy. Indeed, this has now become such a vital problem in Western lands that mothers-to-be are definitely advised to cease smoking totally during pregnancy. Underweight (and premature) babies run many risks not shared by their normal-weighted counterparts.
In the early stages, and up to the twentieth week, the foetus gains weight very slowly. But after this, a steady increase takes place.
The placenta (afterbirth), the vital link between baby and mother, is a large meaty organ. In the early stages it grows rapidly up until the sixteenth week. After that its rate of growth slows down, so that by birth, it weighs about 20 per cent of baby’s weight.
The ‘ ‘liquor amnii,” the fluid contained in the womb, and which bathes baby throughout uterine life, is a major weight-producing factor. Its volume increases quickly throughout pregnancy. There are 300 ml at twenty weeks, 600 ml at thirty weeks, and around 1,000 ml at the thirty-eight-week mark. After this it falls rapidly.
The Maternal Components. The womb (uterus) quickly increases in weight during the early weeks of pregnancy, especially the first twenty. After this it increases more slowly up until the fortieth week. By the time baby is ready to be born, it weighs about 900 g more than its non-pregnant weight.
The breasts develop rapidly right from the start, under the influence of special hormones. The breasts are prepared for the day baby is born and they will provide its nourishment. A large increase in the total amount of blood in the system also occurs during pregnancy. This, too, adds to the overall weight increase.
A lot of weight increase is due to the storage of fat by the pregnant woman. In fact, an average of about 4,000 g is usual. Most of this is laid down before the thirtieth week. Most of this comes from carbohydrates and fat in the diet and a small amount comes from the extra protein eaten.
There is a very real reason for this extra fat. It has been shown that nearly 35,000 calories of energy can be obtained from these deposits if suddenly required by the mother in the weeks immediately following baby’s birth. In short, she is geared to perform more work. But a note of caution should be inserted here: this should not be used as an excuse to deliberately put on more weight. As shown earlier, excessive weight gains during pregnancy predispose to a permanent overweight problem after pregnancy. This may continue for a long, long time.
After the thirtieth week, the main reason for weight gain is the retention of water by the body. For the first thirty weeks, she will retain 3,600 ml, plus a further 3,000 ml between then and the time of birth.
Excessive weight gain must be eyed cautiously in the last ten weeks. Regular weighing is essential. If there is a gain of more than 900 g (2 lb) in any one week, it indicates excessive fluid retention, and may be an early sign of pre-eclampsia, a serious complication of pregnancy.
There is no need to be alarmed at all this discussion on excessive weight gain. Basically, it is quite straightforward and relatively simple.
The basics are that an increase in weight during pregnancy is normal and natural. Excessive gains are to be avoided, and this can simply be done by a commonsense routine that avoids the type of foods that should be avoided in any case during normal (non-pregnant) life.
There is the added precaution that any excessive weight gain needs immediate investigation, especially in the latter ten weeks of pregnancy. By sticking to sensible general principles, most women will come through their confinement and soon regain their former attractive appearance.
There is absolutely no need for a woman to “go to seed” during pregnancy. So often it is blamed for an unattractive figure later on, when, in fact, the true reason lay in foolish indiscretions and a lack of attention to simple detail by the woman herself.
It is really in your hands. Do not forget this.
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In very recent times, more and more attention is being given to congenital abnormalities and to the possible causes.
With increasing frequency, added pieces of well-documented evidence come from leading research hospitals in various parts of the world. Collectively, these make interesting and thought-provoking reading.
It has become apparent that the use of hormonal products in early pregnancy could be a consistent and important cause of many congenital deformities. Such may be taken by an unsuspecting mother in a variety of ways-.
The most likely is to continue taking the contraceptive pill even though pregnancy has occurred. Although pregnancy is most unlikely when taking the Pill strictly as prescribed, various situations can arise where it is inadvertently missed. Or the patient may suffer from a gastric upset for a few days, and unwittingly vomit the Pill. Protection lapses and pregnancy may subsequently develop. The Pill may be continued with the woman unaware of a pregnancy developing in her womb.
Although at present the evidence is still fairly sparse, enough documentation is on record that indicates this may produce developmental problems. So, pregnancy and the Pill seem to be definitely not recommended.
Another potentially serious cause of trouble in the same field is the use of hormonal products for performing pregnancy tests.
Before the widespread availability of the immuno-chemical pregnancy tests (which test the urine or blood for the presence of H.C.G.), hormones were used as a common method of checking.
This was administered in the form of injections or tablets. If the patient bled after the hormones, it was presumptive evidence she was not pregnant. But if bleeding did not eventuate, it was highly probable she was pregnant.
These tests were in use for many years, and were considered to be safe from producing congenital abnormalities. But evidence began to accumulate that this was not always the case. Now a substantial amount of evidence indicts the use of these hormonal products. In Australia they have been banned by the governmental authorities, and their use has virtually stopped. Similar precautions will no doubt be taken in other countries also, and it is highly probable this has already occurred by now.
Certain other hormonal products have also been incriminated. Progesterone, which was once given to mothers who showed a tendency to miscarry, has been incriminated as producing abnormalities in the developing infant. It is now no longer recommended for these purposes.
Another serious problem which has come to recognition only in the past few years is the long-term effect of certain hormonal preparations given to mothers during pregnancy. It seems that quite a few women were treated with the hormone stilboestrol. Although their babies appeared to be normal, many cases of vaginal cancer have subsequently been reported in their female offspring, several years later.
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In recent years, increasing evidence is indicating that very real dangers exist for the unborn baby under certain conditions.
Many of these situations are now well established. Many are completely avoidable.
However, some women are either completely unaware of the possible hazards, or are only slightly aware that these risks exist.
Seeing they are so important, as a follow-on from the previous chapter where general advice and precautions were outlined, these especially important warnings are being listed in this section.
Women who are pregnant, or who are contemplating pregnancy, are advised to study this chapter carefully, for the information given is up-to-date and very important. In fact, it could either make or mar an otherwise happy pregnancy. It can affect anybody at any time at any place. Nobody is immune. Every week, the world-wide medical journals – the chief method of informing doctors about new developments -publish fresh information testifying to the importance of these factors.
Some of this information has been known for some years. But in many instances, more recent documentation has strengthened and widened views previously held.
Other information is fairly new. The passage of time, in the future, will no doubt give further weight to much of it. It may modify or alter some of it. But it is more likely to reinforce ideas currently held.
The points to be discussed mainly involve substantial risks that exist for the unborn infant.
It is well known that enormous activity occurs with the developing embryo during the first eventful weeks. During the first ten weeks, “organogenesis” is occurring. Cells divide, re-divide and gradually develop to form the vital organs of the mature infant. Indeed, it is incredible the speed with which this takes place.
After the first ten weeks, the process slows down. But cell division and re-division continues at a less rapid rate for many more weeks. Indeed, new cells are being formed right until the moment of birth.
It is during this time of rapid cell division and organ formation that the embryo is at a very special risk.
If it is exposed to certain abnormal influences during this period of time, severe disasters can commence.
In turn, by adversely affecting cell division, disorders that are collectively termed congenital abnormalities can readily occur.
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In addition to possible physiological setbacks, which can include illness, family and money problems, there can be misunderstandings all through relationships but particularly at the beginning. Studies of what male college students wanted on a first date compared with what they thought the girls wanted show that they misunderstood each other right from the beginning. Whereas only half the men and women actually wanted or expected to kiss on this first occasion, three-quarters of them thought it was expected. Even studies of engaged and married couples show tremendous areas of misunderstanding, so obviously there is room for a good deal more openness if relationships are to be successful and enjoyable.
Even if the level of communication between two individuals is not all that great there are certain things that one can learn from research and other people’s experiences that help decide on a person’s sexual availability.
Women of all ages are less permissive than men, but up to the age of twenty there is a slight rise reaching a peak then and declining thereafter, especially in those who have children. Women with girls in their late teens are least permissive of all and are only exceeded by the deeply religiously committed.
The way people talk about sex can be revealing but it is a mistake to go entirely by what a person says on the subject. One study, for example, found that attractive girls were more likely to have premarital intercourse but that the attitudes to intercourse they expressed were no different from those expressed by unattractive girls. Similarly, studies of girls from religious families tend to show that they have intercourse younger than girls from non-believing homes yet their upbringing and outward signs would tend to point in the opposite direction.
Kinsey found that women living in urban areas were more sexually experienced. About 60 per cent of American men aged twenty to twenty-two admit to having had premarital intercourse (according to one survey), and the figure is about the same in Germany, Canada and Norway, rising to 75 per cent of English men. The English also lead this chart in ‘one-night stands’, especially among women, a third of whom claimed to have experienced one-night stands as opposed to fewer than 10 per cent in the other countries. The fear of AIDS may have reduced such behaviour recently but probably not to a large extent.
Once we get away from groups of people and consider individual personalities, things become more interesting. For example, studies have found that submissive girls are almost without exception virgins whereas only about one third of dominant women are. Extroverts, hardly surprisingly, have intercourse much more often and do so at an earlier age, with more people and in a greater variety of positions. The differences are quite large. For example, 45 per cent of extrovert men in one study had had intercourse at the age of nineteen compared with only 15 per cent of the introvert men. The difference in women was even more startling — introvert women had intercourse three times a month whereas the extroverts experienced it on an average of seven and a half times a month.
Psychologically ill people tend to be promiscuous, have more premarital sex and have more ‘hostility’ and ‘lack of satisfaction’, according to one study. Very sensitive people tend to experience more impotence (men) or frigidity (women) — that is, men failing to erect or ejaculate and women failing to have orgasms. People with so-called ‘hysterical’ personalities were found in one study to be sexually very experienced but highly guilt-ridden.
Social give-aways that reveal sexual activity are fairly useful when assessing the field. For example, smoking and drinking are good clues to a teenager’s sexual activity. Sexually inexperienced teenagers rarely get drunk and in one study sexually active teenagers smoked more than would be expected. Teenage girls who smoked more than twenty cigarettes a day were almost never virgins.
Girls who live away from home are more likely to be sexually experienced and girls living by themselves are least likely to be virgins. The lowest level of teenage sexual activity is found among girls living at home with both natural parents.
We have seen that attractive girls have more boyfriends but it does not stop there – they also have more intercourse. Attractive girls provably have a more active sex life and research shows that they have twice as many male friends and have been in love more often. Attractive girls say that more of their friends have had intercourse but perhaps all of their friends are attractive!
The subject of virginity comes high on the priority list of sexual attraction for many people and many men still want to marry a virgin. Very little is known about why boys remain virgins but some have religious scruples or other moral objections. It looks as though the vast majority simply have not had the opportunity.
In one survey of late-adolescent boys 58 per cent said they wanted to marry a virgin or, more exactly, to be the only sex partner the woman they marry has had.
The majority of girls (more than ninety per cent) are not virgins on their wedding day. About two thirds claim in surveys to have slept only with their husband-to-be but all such evidence must be taken with a large pinch of salt. Clinical experience suggests that this is much too low a figure and that many have had other sexual partners but dare not admit it — even to themselves on occasions.
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What happens normally is that boys and girls think about the things that interest or excite them while masturbating. The pleasant sensation of masturbation reinforces the enjoyment of the fantasised person, situation or object and the adolescent takes this image or fantasy ‘on board’ as part of their growing sexual personality. How and about what the adolescent fantasises depends to some extent on his or her personality and several studies have been done in this area. In one, ninety-five men were shown silhouettes of female figures which had various breast, buttock and leg sizes. The researchers found that different types of men emerged according to their
preferences for the silhouettes. The ‘breast men’ tended to be Playboy readers, extrovert and masculine in their interests, and those who liked small-breasted women tended to be inward-looking and submissive, drink little and hold fundamental Christian beliefs. Men who liked large buttocks were also keen on neatness and order and those who liked small ones were work-centred and uninterested in sport. The most remarkable characteristic of those who preferred large legs was that they drank little and were shy in social situations. Men who preferred small legs drank very little but they smoked, and read sports magazines rather than Playboy. In general, a preference for large women was linked to ambition and a high consumption of alcohol whereas men who preferred smaller women were persevering and of a higher social class.
Similar studies of women looking at male outlines show that they prefer ‘V’s rather than ‘pears’ in male body shape. Women who liked large men were more likely to be interested in competitive sports. Smaller women preferred large men and so did those raised in fatherless homes.
There are definite class differences in likes and dislikes. In one study which involved psychiatrists, psychologists, porters, maintenance men and soldiers being shown fifty colour photographs of women, some women were found to have almost universal appeal regardless of the age, social class or marital status of the men. There were some interesting differences too. The porters and soldiers preferred the photos of naked, large-breasted women who were being sexy, and the psychiatrists preferred young, clothed girls who were ‘unconventional’ or ‘provocative’. All the men tended to choose attractive and dressed women when asked to select a possible wife from the photos and they avoided those women shown in provocative or sexy poses. This and other work suggests that what a man finds attractive in a woman depends upon her age, social class, personality and to some extent on what he wants of her.
Research done with women looking at pictures of men shows that the professional and educated positively disliked the muscle-man type and preferred conventional, dressed men who were slim, dark and sensitive looking. Many men think that all women like muscular,
hairy-chested, broad-shouldered men with large penises, but studies have shown this not to be true. Women overall like men with small buttocks and a tall, slim physique and many in one survey said they were actually put off by the features men thought women liked.
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Her sexual fantasies change during early adolescence from being relatively impersonal to being more explicit and more excitingly personal. Usually the fantasies of early adolescent girls are of a fairly vague nature, frequently involving situations such as stripping, prostitution and rape. Girls of this age may search for newspaper items and books about these things and then discuss their findings with their friends at school in the hope of understanding what they are about. It is a paradox that a girl of this age is likely to assume that she is a sex expert and may reject sex information from her parents and teachers. This is perfectly normal.
Fantasies may be suppressed because they are seen as disgusting and any that involve her father or a father-like figure are nearly always severely suppressed. A girl’s behaviour may, however, be the exact opposite of what she really wants because of her attempts to control herself. For example, it is common for girls who unconsciously want to be close and loving to their fathers to consciously avoid all contact with them at this stage.
During early adolescence masturbation usually increases in intensity and frequency but does not change much in form. Any bad masturbation habits a girl has already acquired tend to become further entrenched and fixed at this stage. Girls who rub their vulvas to have an orgasm usually further refine their own particular pattern of stimulation but new features often emerge. One technique, for example, is to clasp the whole vulva when arousal has reached a certain stage and then to count to ten before resuming stimulation.
Very guilty girls who want to get it over with as quickly as possible do not use delaying tactics such as these, often to the detriment of their ultimate enjoyment of sex.
The other change that occurs is a considerable increase in shame as the full sexual significance of masturbation dawns on a girl. This comes about because her sexual experience seems to contradict all that she has previously supposed to be ‘nice’ in a girl. Some girls accept the situation easily but others have more difficulty. Some repress their sexuality so completely that they actually give up masturbation in early adolescence. Others struggle against it and try to keep it under strict control. For example, some girls promise God they will never do it again. Some reinforce their control by telling themselves that they are doing themselves harm or that they will change sex as a result. This last fear arises from the fact that until the last forty years or so masturbation was spoken of as being essentially a thing boys did. Many a girl therefore used to believe (and some still do) that she was the only girl who did it, and even if she asked her friends (which was rare), to try to get reassurance, they too denied masturbation because they had been made to feel guilty about it.
This rise in shame about masturbation can lead to changes in behaviour and some of these can be annoying. Common examples are frequent hand-washing for fear — amongst other
things — that others may be able to detect that she has been masturbating, and a neurotic
over-concern about spots. A girl may become even more secretive about her sexual interests and is often easily embarrassed when sex is mentioned by adults. Her mother’s sexuality can also lead to embarrassment and even frank hostility. If her mother becomes pregnant, for example, she can feel compromised and ashamed.
Of much more concern though are those early adolescent girls who somehow dissociate themselves from their sexuality and try to find ways to indulge it whilst denying to themselves that they are doing so. The deception does not take the form of straightforward lying — it is really an internal self-deception based upon a psychological trick. Examples are endless. One is to separate fantasy from its associated masturbatory activity – in this way it is possible to deny to oneself the sexual nature of the act. On the other hand, fantasy alone may be used as a masturbatory act or the fantasy may be highly symbolic and apparently non-sexual. Another way is either to deny that an orgasm has occurred or to experience it only after the physical act is complete. Yet another is to displace the orgasm from the genitals to some other part of the body, especially to the oesophagus (gullet) or the stomach. Some incidental activity such as rope climbing or cycle riding may be utilised to produce an orgasm. These and many other ways may be used, both at the time and in adulthood, to deny that there is (or was) a sexual content to the early-adolescent stage. This denial has poor implications for the girl’s future.
Although early-adolescent girls talk about sex to each other, it is usually in a non-personal way. It is rare for girls, unlike boys, at this stage to involve their own sex physically in their sexual activities, although they often develop emotional crushes on admired older girls or school-mistresses. A helpful way of thinking of this is to understand that the girl usually thinks of the older person as being successful in an area of concern to her. This is often in sophistication and attractiveness to men. The girl wants closeness, partly to learn the secret of success and partly to be held in esteem, almost as a friend, by someone she admires. True lesbian activity at this age is very rare indeed and parents need not fear that crushes will mean that their daughter will become a lesbian.
The majority of girls are keen to test out the effectiveness of their changing bodies in attracting male attention. Most girls first experience kissing and perhaps breast fondling during this stage. Some relate wildly exaggerated stories to their friends with the aim of emphasising their desirability.
Although some girls display little or no open interest in boys at this stage, for a variety of reasons, most of which need cause no concern, others become over-involved. Apart from rebellion, other motives for early intercourse include the inability to face up to masturbation. Unless she renounces sex altogether and regresses to childhood, the only other course is to seek sexual stimulation from others, usually boys. Such a girl may well intend to go no further than allowing the boy to masturbate her but since these girls usually go for considerably older, more experienced boys, intercourse is likely to result.
However, very few girls of this age experience intercourse in any adult way, and the danger is that this pattern of inadequate and unsatisfactory response to intercourse becomes fixed. Girls should be advised, not warned, against too early intercourse for this reason. Experience shows that the vast majority of girls are not ready for intercourse at this stage of their development.
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The processes by which a child eventually comes to feel with certainty that he or she is a boy or a girl — so-called gender identity — proceed slowly and with confusion. (The process can go awry and this is discussed later under transsexualism.) One process which affects the issue is the one of identification with the same-sex parent. Whether it is instinctive or whether they are identifying with and copying their mothers, many young girls display marked femininity in their behaviour. Many are like miniature women and by three or so have developed social skills which many a young man would like to have.
Girls also seem to be able to discern the sex of another individual earlier and more reliably than can boys. When a girl discovers the genital differences between the sexes, or even before, she pays more attention to her father than before, and where her relationship with both her parents is good the change is marked. She wants to attract her father’s attention and to involve him in her life. In an elementary way she may compete with her mother to take trouble on his behalf and be of service to him. She may want to get into his bed and drive her mother from it. Later she may say she is going to grow up and marry daddy. Clearly her father is her first heterosexual love and in some way she is involved with him physically. She wants him to kiss and cuddle her and may show signs of jealousy at any attention her mother receives. Many a little girl uses her feminine skills effectively to get her own way with her father. If he is really cross with her it can emotionally disturb her for hours or even days, but maternal displeasure has much less effect. If she learns from him that she is attractive, lovable and valuable she will have confidence in herself as a woman later in life. Nevertheless, if the father is over-close, as some are, perhaps out of a latent fear of adult women, she can later have difficulty in leaving him psychosexually for another man. The balance, as in so much to do with sexuality, is a fine one.
A part of a girl’s mind may in one sense hate and fear her mother, because she thinks that her mother realises that she wants an exclusive relationship with her father. She fears her mother will retaliate. However, she also loves her mother and realises that her mother is her care-giver. As a result she remains attentive to her mother, to see if her secret has been discovered. It is thought that the greater empathy that women have compared with men comes from this developmental stage, as does a woman’s skill at concealing her true feelings.
A boy does not have to make the same switch from his mother, but his feelings about her and his father are similar to, but the reverse of, those of a girl. The intensity of such feelings tends to increase during the phallic stage. Physical contact with his mother may lead to an erection and his interest in her body may intensify. Many men who say they find partially dressed women more arousing than naked ones may have started this notion at this stage because they are more likely to have seen their mother partially, rather than wholly undressed. A mother may be unconsciously provocative to her son of around the age of five but at the same time sharply rebuke him for his sexual interest in her. Simultaneously his increasing fear of retaliation by his father leads to this so-called Oedipal interest in his mother being controlled rather than given free rein.
From clinic work with adult men it seems that two important consequences follow from this. The first is the establishment of a notion of female sexlessness. This view of women is, of course, reinforced by our culture which declares that girls are ’sugar and spice and all things nice’. The second consequence is that the boy enters the world of men. Females and their interests are spurned as inconsequential. The view develops that girls are best avoided and they are often banned, to the chagrin of many of them, from boys’ games. Identification with the father, or another, available male person, proceeds more rapidly and the boy strives for mastery over male pursuits. One reason why boys identify with their fathers later than girls do with their mothers is that mothers are more continuously available as models for girls than are fathers for boys. In any case a boy probably first identifies with the mother as it is she, rather than his father, who first outlines the conventional male role for a boy. Women teachers may later continue the process which rewards boys for masculine behaviour and disparages them for feminine interests.
Most boys stop masturbating as the phallic stage ends and gives way to the stage of latency which roughly corresponds with the infant and junior-school years. Curiously, adult men seem to have no conscious recollection of childhood masturbation and its later rediscovery at puberty is regarded as a new acquisition. This is in contrast with women, about a third of whom say they cannot remember a time when they did not masturbate.
Girls do not resolve the problems of the Oedipal stage in the same brisk fashion in which most boys do. Their interest in their father continues although perhaps in a weakened form. Sometimes it is later displaced on to horses, which may symbolise masculine power, although, no doubt, there are other reasons for a girl’s love of her horse.
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Unfortunately sex is none of these things for a lot of people at some stage of their lives. We all have a sex drive of some kind, whether it’s weak or strong, indulged or ignored and our perceptions of ourselves as sexual beings vary enormously according to our upbringing. To copulate then is natural – it can be undertaken with anyone and not necessarily even in the context of an interpersonal relationship. However, we can do a lot better than simply copulate because we are highly elaborate verbal and emotional creatures and even genital sexual expression is a very complex business.
Does anything go then?
That’s entirely up to you. As doctors seeing people with real problems we don’t condemn anyone for what they are or what they do but you will have to decide how you interpret and react to the book for yourself and your family. We have tried very hard not to let our personal preferences and prejudices come across. Each family will apply the contents of this book differently according to its race, religion, economic state, level of education, level of expectations, personalities, their care for each other and their family, and so on. For this reason we have included articles on homosexuality, prostitution and several other areas not immediately and obviously to do with the family. However, the majority of parents worry about homosexual influences on their young teenagers at some stage; and the majority of the clients of prostitutes are married men, so an understanding of even these subjects is of considerable importance to an understanding of family love and sex.
We have written articles with no clear beginning and no end because sexuality has no beginning and no end. The baby who has just been born is at one and the same time at a starting point (for him) but an end point for his recently pregnant mother. One’s first love-affair is a vital milestone along the path of life yet will, however important it seems at the time, fade away and be displaced by more mature love. Our life experience in love and sex do not go with us to the grave — they live on in our children and their children.
So, in conclusion, what we hope will come out of this article is a better future based on improved man-woman relationships. This comes down to real, live individuals relating to and understanding each other, and not to religious, political, philosophical or medical theories and rules. The world is in a rather troubled state but there is hope for the future if only the basic unit of society, the family, can be made to work better. This it can only do if its members understand each other better and live in this increased knowledge and understanding.
Having said this, there is no such thing as perfection and few people’s lives are ‘ideal’ in this or any other area. But this does not mean that we should not or cannot have some notion of what is worth striving for.
*5\164\2*
